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Post by aracelibriesmom on Aug 5, 2009 18:38:43 GMT -5
I am not sure how the subject came up yesterday in my office, I was talking to a co worker/my cousin about children with mental disabilities as ACC like my daughter Brianna who has complete agenesis of the corpus callosum and the children in our family one lil girl who is 2 has downs syndrome one who is 32 is undiagnosed but is severly disabled and another who is 1 1/2 and is just delayed due to premature birth and complications. Point being she started referring to children/people with downs sydnrome as (please forgive me for typing this word) "retards" and this really really excuse my language p!ss3d me off! Being the mother to a child with mental disabilites and developmental delay this upset me very much, I told her how I felt and she didnt understand it she said she didnt mean the R word disrespectfully... really? Does anyone else have an experiance like this and it upset them? I also have a sticker on my car that says "Saying the R word (and it has the word crossed out) hurts someone please think before you speak!" I am sure she has seen it why wouldnt she think of this she is also my cousin and knows about my daughters condition... just insensitive! just venting  Araceli Briannas mommy |
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Post by matthewsmom on Aug 7, 2009 16:40:54 GMT -5
Araceli,
I am SO sorry that your discussion at work with your co-worker (who is also your cousin) turned in to such a hurtful talk.
Being the mom of a child with complete ACC who is also very delayed developmentally, I can relate to how it feels when someone so easily uses such a descriptive label like the “R” word.
I am glad that you were able to express to your cousin how it makes you feel when you hear that word and at the same time I am sorry that your cousin wasn’t able to understand your pain and dislike of the word. It does surprise me a little bit that she did use the word during your conversation even if she didn’t mean it disrespectfully. I think that some people are just better able to show empathy towards others while others just are not. Now maybe if your cousin was a mom herself to a child who was mentally delayed she may see it in a new light and be less apt to use the “R” word. It’s hard to tell for sure.
One thing is for sure though…I think that this world is full of many people who use the “R” word without the blink of an eye…and there are others who have a heart of gold and enough empathy to go around the world and back who are considerate of other people.
Some people are thoughtful of other people’s feelings. Some are not so thoughtful.
Sandie *Mom to 15 year old Matthew with complete ACC*
P.S. There was a discussion about this same thing in another group I belong to. I will ask the mom who posted it for permission to share it with you.
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Post by aracelibriesmom on Aug 7, 2009 17:08:59 GMT -5
Thanks for your reply Sandie,
If your friend gives you permission to share her post with me I will gladly appreciate it... it still is bothering me we sit in an office face to face and... I wont even go there today.
Have a blessed and happy weekend with my sweet Matthew! Kisses.
Love,
Araceli Briannas mommy
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Post by acmunchkin on Aug 8, 2009 14:49:30 GMT -5
I am very new to this board. I am sorry to hear that you have had personal experience with the "R" word. One of my close friends has a son with down's syndrome and she is on a personal crusade against that particular word! She has sent me several PSAs regarding that word and one of my favorites gave me an idea of how to handle it. It showed pictures of people with developmental delays and would put a word with each like: friend, athlete, daughter, son, brother, sister, classmate....etc. At the end of the PSA it had a screen that popped up and said "Why use the "R" word when there are so many other words to describe people. I have stolen that phrase and say it when people use the words retard and retarded.
My son is two and has ACC and just got a Kaye Walker and AFOs and I am worried that someone will use that word for him. Have a blessed weekend!
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Post by aracelibriesmom on Aug 10, 2009 11:44:46 GMT -5
ACMUNCHKIN, thank you for your post!
Reading what you had to say made me feel much better. I love the phrase ""Why use the "R" word when there are so many other words to describe people. "
You know people that use the "R" word, are just plain insensitive and RUDE! Now days people use the word freely, and it angers me A LOT! They dont use it only to label what I see as Beautiful children with downs syndrome they use it to label any child/person with a mental disability, or phsical impairment.. I am sensitive towards this word being used PERIOD not just against people with downs but like our children who some are severely delayed mentally and developmentally with ACC and many other conditions. Our children are somones brother, someones sister, someones daughter/son, someones friend, someones neighbor, someones grandchild, someones EVERYTHING!
Thanks to both of you ACMUNCHKIN and Sandie/MATTHEWSMOM
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Post by matthewsmom on Aug 11, 2009 12:32:03 GMT -5
acmunchkin,
What a wonderful post you shared and I love the thought of bringing to mind that there are so many more positive and powerful ways to describe a person.
Like your son, Kyle, my own son, Matthew, also used a Kaye walker when he was younger and he began wearing orthotics shortly after a year old. In the back of my mind I also worried about Matthew being called that dreaded word. Luckily, it has not happened to my knowledge.
Araceli,
You're welcome.
I will post an inspirational story I found that addresses this very subject in a new thread.
Sandie *Mom to 15 year old Matthew with complete ACC*
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Post by matthewsmom on Aug 11, 2009 12:36:06 GMT -5
And they call some of these people "retarded" A few years ago, at the Seattle Special Olympics, nine contestants, all physically or mentally disabled, assembled at the starting line for the 100-yard dash. At the gun, they all started out, not exactly in a dash, but with a relish to run the race to the finish and win. All, that is, except one little boy who stumbled on the asphalt, tumbled over a couple of times, and began to cry. The other eight heard the boy cry. They slowed down and looked back. Then they all turned around and went back........ every one of them. One girl with Down's Syndrome bent down and kissed him and said, " This will make it better." Then all nine linked arms and walked together to the finish line. Everyone in the stadium stood, and the cheering went on for several minutes. People who were there are still telling the story. Why? Because deep down we know this one thing: What matters in this life is more than winning for ourselves. What matters in this life is helping others win, even if it means slowing down and changing our course. If you pass this on, we may be able to change our hearts as well as someone else's............... "A candle loses nothing by lighting another candle"  |
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Post by aracelibriesmom on Aug 11, 2009 14:34:52 GMT -5
Sandie thank you for posting this beautiful story here!
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Post by matthewsmom on Aug 11, 2009 17:50:34 GMT -5
Araceli, You're very welcome.  Sandie *Mom to 15 year old Matthew with complete ACC* |
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Post by lauras on Aug 13, 2009 15:23:40 GMT -5
Sandie that was a beautiful story. I have tears in my eyes. I too dont like the"r" word. Especally when its used in a derogatory way.(teens calling each other retard) And all the "short bus" jokes.(School buses used for students of Special ed)
Another pet peeve is when they put disability first. A doctor says my son is ADHD. No, his name is Nathan . he has ADHD.
I like the PSA about all the different names that someone mentioned. I'd love to see it.
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Post by acmunchkin on Aug 13, 2009 16:31:07 GMT -5
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Post by matthewsmom on Aug 13, 2009 17:50:35 GMT -5
WOW! That is an excellent video clip with a powerful message! I really like it.  Thank you, acmunchkin, for sharing that with all of us. Because there are some people who are not able to view videos directly off the Youtube website/links I am going to post the actual video here in the hopes that everyone gets a chance to see this wonderful video. |
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Post by matthewsmom on Aug 13, 2009 18:08:08 GMT -5
Laura,
I'm glad you liked the story. I agree with you on everything you said and I feel the same way. I was actually reading something today on someone's blog regarding the "R" word and while reading I found myself becoming more upset with how the author wrote that they would not ever call a mentally challenged person THAT word and yet in the same breath justified the right to use the "R" word to lash out at people who are not mentally challenged. I just shake my head and think how can THAT be justified??
I am thrilled that April (acmunchkin) gave the link to the Public Service Announcement video because, like you, I was also curious and wanted to have a look.
Sandie *Mom to 15 year old Matthew with complete ACC in Oregon*
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Post by aracelibriesmom on Aug 13, 2009 18:50:02 GMT -5
wow that was a beautiful video, thanks to everyone who has replied to my post... I am glad that others can relate to how much this upsets me.
Have a beautiful day!
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